I know this is going to be hard.

It's hard as it is. It's hard right now. But I know it's going to get even more rough.

I don't even know if I'm prepared to handle what's to come.
Realistically, all that I hope to accomplish is possible.
All my dreams are within reach, baby or no baby. Husband or no husband.
All I need to do is work for it.

I'm already working less and taking less hours than I normally would.
But that's just how I need to tackle school. After two years, I know that taking five classes at once versus 6 or 7 at once along with two jobs and extra-curricular activities is just too much for me to handle. I want to take advantage of my classes now instead of cramming all this information into my head and not enjoying them the way I should. I've heard too many older people regret not taking their time in college and just rushing to get out in 4 years with the exact degree they need to obtain the career they'll have for the rest of their lives.
I don't plan on having the same career from now until forever. I crave flexibility and unorthodox schedules. I love always having something different to do every day.

I'm actually interested in what my professors are saying, in the homework and readings they assign, in the tasks I must complete. I'm invested in my jobs and the experience they will give me for my future. I'm inspired to work in all art forms and there are no more limits to my creation.

People new to creation will get creative blocks. People seasoned in the field will see that failure is eminent no matter what. There will always be something we don't like with what we create and a few months or a year later, we'll look back and admire the power of our expression.

There's something wrong with it. I just need to tweak it a little here... Add a little more cool color there... Define a shape a little more on this beat... Sing with a little more vibrato in this verse... Something will always need work in the heat of the moment because OH MY GOODNESS it is so hard to step back and look at what you're doing because in that moment? In that moment, it's your baby. You want to nourish it, make it better, encourage it's growth, encourage greatness but it's so hard to tell what this baby needs because all the dialogue that goes on between you and it is in your mind.

But a few days from now, a few weeks or a month... it'll look completely different.

And I'm learning that. I'm learning to not be afraid with watercolors...not be afraid of my audience because the only audience that matters is me.

Why put art in a box when it's sole purpose is to tear down the walls?

xxx

Beth