Date Log 123014

Date day!

Eric and I went on a little day date yesterday and I just wanted to share it with you guys!

We actually started off the day super early so we could catch the free breakfast where he works in the small town over. (: It wasn't fancy or anything but I appreciate the perks of his job and we had to pick up his check anyway. We caught up with Jen whose kids we've taken in for private lessons before and he got to talk to the management about another employment opportunity in the next month. He would be working at the same place but with a more consistent schedule and higher pay. I'm so excited for all the new opportunities life has been giving him from this to a scheduled teaching job at a nearby dance studio. I couldn't look up to him more as a fellow dancer and human being.

After picking up his check, we wandered onto the main street. I've always wanted to check out these little shops because of how extremely cute they look from the outside! I've only ever been in a few of them for some little snacks. And the first store we checked out was my outstanding favorite of all time.

So, you guys know how I've been so into home decor lately? This store was all "hip" home decor and OMG it had basically everything I collaged for you guys in that first post. Everything was so cute and interesting and Eric found so much stuff he wanted to. If only we had a bigger space... it would look exactly like this store. Seriously. So, maybe next year... there'll be many more trips to there. Haha.

Here is a little corner of the store.

This lovely drawer matched my nails and, oh, I wanted it so badly!

On top are some entryway organizers in silver metal and wood and some card cases. (:

We did end up buying something that was on sale and necessary; a outdoor mat for wiping shoes (light brown with a white mustache, approx. 20"x8"). And it was only about $13! UGH. Steal. It's so cute and functional! We checked out a lot more stores but everything was so much more gaudy and tacky and just out of an affordable price range.

After hitting the street, we stopped by a little cafe for a pick me up and chatted over our drinks before heading out of town again and to Walmart for some necessities.

I love the chances I get to just sit down and have a conversation with this man. We live together and spend a lot of our time together but finding time to just talk is so important to us.

We printed some pictures and picked up some rugs, thank you cards, floss, snacks, a broom, and some storage containers for Izzy's stuff. We still have all her clothes in the gift bags from the baby showers while we transition them to baskets and storage bins. We still have to wash them all before they're ready. So, I think I'll work on that today.

After Walmart, we went to the post office to mail off something his family left behind while they were here this past weekend and my first SOLD piece(s) of art! I was so excited to send these little guys off to a new family (I know they were sick of me).

Then, we hit up Bojangles for some food before heading home for some Netflix and down time. The rest of the day was spent writing thank you cards and Eric working on his resume and curriculum. (:

So, in all, a very chill day with the lovey. Now, he's at work while I'm here cleaning up and getting all of Iz's clothes ready. (: I just separated everything and started the first load! I've ended up dividing all of the articles into either warm/dark and colors, warm/whites, cold/dark and colors, and cold/whites. I just want all the stuff to be ready when she gets here!

Well, cheers to a productive day. Our next prenatal appointment is on Friday and our next birthing class is on Monday. Today we kick off the new year with some cake and sparkling cider.

Cheers to 2014; thank you for all of your days but we must part and move on to another year!

xxx

Beth

5 Ways to Push Forward and Not Give Up

It's so, so, so hard to take a breather.

But when you do it's so worth it.

Here's five simple and fast ways to work through some of life's frustrations:

1) Plan Ahead.

This isn't for everyone but, personally, I like to work solutions out with pen and paper, organization, and tons of planning. It helps me figure out what my options are and how to effectively jump over any hurdles.

For example, if my problem has to do with a lack of finances, I will sit down and write out all my transactions. If my problem has to do with career choices and decisions that may affect my future, I will sit down and write out all my options, all potential paths, and what to do from where I am. In essence, I do my best to sit down and take into consideration what I currently have rather than what I have lost or what is blocking my path.

2) Take a Breather.

Just breathe in.

And out.

And think about nothing.

For at least ten minutes.

This really helps reset any bad mojo that may be going on in your mind giving you a fresh approach to the problem that frustrated you in the first place.

3) Talk It Out.

Talking out a sticky situation is kind of like planning ahead but with another person to bounce ideas and opinions off of. Sometimes it's good to get feedback but a lot of the time it's nice to just have someone who can listen to you, allowing an internal dialogue to develop that doesn't require sitting down and writing.

4) Release.

I very much believe in expression to combat any internal struggle. Here are a few ways to express your emotions and create at the same time:

• Dancing
• Doodling
• Running
• Writing
• Singing/Playing Music
• Cooking

5) Remember.

Try to recall why you chose the path you're on in the first place: your passion, a need to help others, a childhood dream, etc. Whatever it is, imagine it and zoom in on the first time you realized that this is where you are, even if you did get knocked off track a little.

A friend of mine once told me that life is a road and at the end is your goal; bad or negative things that happen are just little detours and it's up to me to return to the main road to trudge on.

xxx

Beth

New Year's Goals!

Last year, I had three resolutions.

1. Turn in all assignments for all my classes in the spring semester.
2. Save money. I’m not sure about the details of that yet… Maybe just coins. Maybe like 100 a month? I’m not sure. I’ll have to talk to EC about it. We just really need to start saving. Right this second.
3. Always be on time. Always get enough sleep. Stay on schedule.

I struggled to keep to these in the Spring. I had just experienced an awful loss in my life and focusing on anything was hard. Many a nervous breakdown occurred. That being said...I felt a lot better after that semester. I took summer classes and I think I did a really good job staying focused, turning in all my assignments, not spending so frivolously, and being on time. I think I just needed time to feel better before really tackling school again.

So, in between summer classes and fall classes, I created two goals.

1. Commit to study times: get dressed up and eat/drink healthy.
2. Go to every class: get dressed up and bring a drink!

These goals I made a little differently. I really thought about what I needed to work on to be successful in my academics. I decided that previously my grades weren't so great because of my problems going to class and making time to actually study. Then I tried to figure out what would help me accomplish these goals. Usually getting dressed up just motivates me in general to do things and proper nutrition will allow me to focus and accomplish what I have to do in any moment, especially in one where procrastination is prone.

On to this new year!

1) Pass Foundations II (3D Art).

I've tried to take this art class two times before this one. Third time's the charm? I'm just hoping I can pass it this time. Here's what I can do to pass this frustrating class:

• Work on every project every single day for (at least) an hour.

2) Save money.

This one is very vague... Maybe we can just make the steps toward it a lot more specific?

• Divide up any unexpected income.
• 1/3 to the past - loans, credit card amounts, debt.
• 1/3 to the future - investing in any future purchases.
• 1/3 to the present - home improvement, unnecessary purchase.
• Only bring cash shopping.
• Credit cards/debit cards make you think less about the money you're actually spending. Using cash will make you think twice about what you're really spending your money on.
• Even if it means writing checks out to Eric and having him withdraw the money.
• Put 5% of every paycheck toward future self investments.
• Personally, we'll be saving up for overseas vacations or classes while Izzy is in summer camp or college.
• So, if I make $200 this pay period, I'll put $10 toward that fund.
• Stick to a budget.
• Create list of income/expenses.
• Figure out what needs to get paid and how much to spend on groceries and gas.
• Then figure out what's left over and what that should go to: past, present, future.
• Go grocery shopping with a very specific list.

3) Think kindly and patiently.

• Give myself a break. Take a breather for ten seconds and really think through a situation.
• Be patient with myself and remind myself that "I am only human". 
• Practice/rehearse different "trigger" situations to approach problems a different way.
• This article I found provides a very helpful audio to work on any kind of situation.

4) Be on time.

• Get ready an hour ahead of time: make-up, outfit, diaper bag, my bag (wallet, keys, etc.), coat, shoes.
• Be ready to fly out the door when the time comes but also to spend the other thirty minutes working on an assignment or cleaning up a little.
• Leave the house ten minutes earlier than needed.
• Get EC out the door with time allotted for travel + ten minutes.
• Get myself out the door with time allotted for travel + ten minutes.
• Prepare food as soon as grocery shopping is over.
• This way no time or money is wasted cutting off rotten parts of food.
• Keep monthly and weekly calendar updated with all important things.
• Appointments, classes, work, etc.

That'll be it. Time to drill all of this into my brain!

xxx

Beth

Home Makeover for 2015

I have spent most of the day watching videos of room and house tours feeling inspired to redecorate and rework my own living space! So, I browsed a few choice websites and found these little beauties. I wish I could afford all of them (or even just one...) but looking at them and imagining in the apartment is enough for me. Almost like looking at pictures of food and imagining how they taste.

Anyway, here are a few of the things I have fallen in love with.

Top Left: I love this little set of vases from ModCloth! They're $35.00 for four lovely vases. The color palette is just right and would look perfect on a bookshelf.

Top Center: This planter is from Etsy giving off a beautiful polished thrift look. The shop is from Israel and offers many other porcelain goodies.

Top Right: This terrarium pillow's design makes the little plants adorable and gives a flair of nature without all the soil and watering responsibilities. (ModCloth)

Middle Left: I am absolutely in love with this little library card catalog. It makes a quirky side table with storage for all the little knick-knacks in your house. (Etsy)

Middle Right: If the pillow didn't do it for you, real plants are an instant room brightener! I'm obsessed with the different geometric planters all over the internet. This Etsy shop offers a variety of designs to suit any needs.

Bottom Left: Again, I am obsessed with these geometric designs and this frame took my breath away. It's 4"x6" but can hold so many different paper sizes and easily interchanged. I've never really liked the way normal frames sat up with a little piece of board. This takes away the tackiness and replaces it with such a refined look! (CB2)

Bottom Middle: These little candle holders are to die for. The different colors work in perfect harmony with one another and when lit, they look heavenly. (ModCloth)

Bottom Right: ModCloth has a lot of posters to choose from but these stopped me in my tracks. They're so interesting to look at and would be lovely when framed separately and put above the couch or bed!

5 Reasons Why I Loved Being Married and Pregnant in College

1) Complete and utter focus on academic and career goals.

I'm less worried about the social aspect of college: friends and significant others. Not just because I found both of these things in one lovely person but because this lovely person encourages me to work on projects and go to interviews and all the other things I hardly want to get out of bed to do. He hasn't taken away my needs for other people but given me new focus.

She, too, has given me new focus. I work with a new determination because I want to be the woman my mother is for me, for my daughter. My mother has always been my role model. She is hard-working, focused, persistent, and optimistic in all the things she does. I hope I can be the same person for my little girl.

2) "Grown-up" matters become less intimidating and more necessary.

A year ago, my errands were constantly restocking their pantry, picking up supplies for school projects, doing laundry, etc. Now, it's more along the lines of paying bills, registering for government services (insurance, welfare, etc.), calling credit card companies and rental agencies. My mom used to do all these things for me last year. I was careless with my money and eager to have her do all the phone conversations and bill paying for me.

Now, the responsibility is mine and my husband's. Now, I'm eager to transition into our own everything rather than my mom handling my name.

3) Sharing a last name.

Our last name allows us to see each other when we're in the hospital, allows us to sign legal documents for each other, allows us to send thank you cards and presents as one entity rather than two individuals. Some people might be scared of this. Commitment is a scary thing, indeed.

To me, it's not only convenient but completely and totally comfortable.

4) Learning to love things far larger than myself.

Eric and Izzy allow me to see beyond the superficial. I don't care about money or appearance or success. I care about safety and happiness and honesty. If, in the end, I become successful but I'm not happy, I would frown at my future. It's more than just a dollar; it's more than just a big office in a famous company. It's the people I help and the close relationships I treasure that make me who I want to be. 

I, personally, think there could be no better thing to be than a loving woman, wife, and mother. These nouns don't sacrifice my success. Sure, there's negative connotation attached to these words. So many people my age don't want a commitment, much less a husband or children. But in my position, I feel powerful. I feel like I can do anything with my family by my side. They encourage me and give me a reason to go to work, a reason to maintain all aspects of my life, a reason to live.

5) Consolidation.

I've gotten rid of so many bad things in my life. Well, not bad. Just...negative.

People. Materials. Traits. 

I know I will change in the future but for now? I am so happy with where I am and what I have. It may not be a lot of seem like a lot to other people but to me it is everything.

That wraps up my five reasons.
Much love,

Beth

What makes someone so strong?

I, like any other person, love to be complimented. I love to have affirmation that I am headed in the right direction. I love being told I'm doing something good.

But that isn't what makes me stronger.

It's the insults. It's the ridiculous suggestions. It's the thoughts of another person forced upon me. I love being exposed to the cruelty of people.

That's what makes me strong.

The first time I was pregnant someone said "I'm mad at EC for getting you pregnant", as if to say "If it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be in this negative situation".

I love Eric. It was as much my fault as his that we became pregnant the first time and it is still BOTH our faults that I was blessed enough to make a beautiful life again.

I miscarried and someone said "I had a friend who had a baby and had to drop out of college", as if to say "Good or else you would have ruined your life".

I wanted my baby. I do NOT think losing my baby was a relief because then I could focus on graduating from college. If I did drop out of college, that would be my own choice and would not mean my life would be ruined.

I understand that both these comments could be seen as positive. I understand that some people probably agree with them. And that's fine.

But, to me, these comments are irritating. We didn't tell many people. I still have a hard time talking about it with anyone other than Eric. We confided in people we thought we could trust and find support and love from. I couldn't believe that anyone, especially "friends", could actually say these kinds of things.

Blunt, ignorant opinions make my stomach churn. But these told me who my real friends were. These showed me who I could really trust. These forced true strength to come forward. Or else I would have become one of them. The battle everyone fights in their lives involves real people. It involves being stomped on and kicked when you're already bruised and bleeding, weeping on the floor. It involves active decisions for your own well-being and humanness. It involves you to get up and fight back-blood, bruises, and all.

Other people can praise you and kick you as much as they want. That's out of your control.

It's up to you to stand up and come out of it all stronger.

Come on, Iz!

I am so ready for her to come, you guys. Seriously.
I love reading this book because I feel so much more prepared to do mommy things like breastfeed and give her baths and help her put herself to sleep. I just...want to try out my knowledge but I can't because she's still in my belly! Haha.
I would have gotten the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" one but I'm a little past that part. The "What to Expect the First Year" seemed to make more sense at the time. But, boy, is it helpful! It has a lot of lists for what gear to get and the studies done on all different kinds of tools to help baby. I personally take comfort in the fact that it's the 3rd edition (2014) so it's all updated information! (:
A lot of the other baby books I've bought are reasonably dated (2002 or 2005) so reading them makes me a little nervous. They all basically have the same information but I know I can trust this book.
I want to start a little library for Izzy.
I want to move into a larger space to organize everything.
Don't get me wrong...I'm very, very, extremely thankful for where we live now. It would just be nice to spread things out a little more and not have to move things to make them function...like the rocker which has to be pulled out if you want to sit on it or books that have to be retrieved after the coffee table has been moved. Haha. I'm okay with it. Being in this space makes me think we need to consolidate and get rid of things we don't need but I wonder if we'll get into a bigger space and think "we need more things...".
Anyway, I have one last exam today! And then I'm home free. (=
Tomorrow, I'm guiding a school group with Pegge through the museum, Saturday I'm guarding, Monday is my last day in the office, and next Thursday and Friday I'm guarding again. So, I have a good amount of hours in at work. But after next Friday, I will have little to do before school starts again or Izzy comes. Maybe I can spend most of that time preparing for her arrival. (:

This was mostly a random text piece...but thank you if you read this far!

xxx

Beth

Finals Week!

We all have finals to look forward to...this is the last week of school before our sweet Iz comes! (:

I'm trying to work as much as possible before she arrives.
We got a Christmas tree!

It makes me very happy. There aren't any presents under it...but we've bought some early gifts for each other before Izzy comes: some new gaming stuff and prayer journals and a coffee travel cup. You could guess who got each of those things but you might be surprised. Haha. (:

We recently also bought Izzy's carseat and stroller! And reorganized all her stuff into the bookshelf for easy access!

She has bags of clothes...but we're working on getting some bins like the pink one on the bottom to store them all in! Everything is a work in progress...just like her.

I'm just happy because winter break means the finish of another semester, a time to earn more money for the family, and the creation of new life.

Eric has been so great. Not just for me personally but in terms of his own life and Izzy's life! He has sacrificed so much working long hours and still going to class and getting all that work done...along with taking care of me and going to ALL of my prenatal visits! He also takes care of a lot of our legal stuff: credit cards, rent, WIC and FNS, car check-ups/repairs/etc., and so much more. On top of that he still finds time to do dishes and laundry and he still makes the bed most mornings. Oh, and he cooks most of the meals (Or else I just eat fruit/veggies/cereal/yogurt/etc.). I could never thank him enough for all he does because there is just so much. Not saying I don't do things, too! I go to work, school, prenatal visits, some bills, budgeting, household stuff, etc. We share a lot of the duties but we just usually try to get stuff done while the other is doing something so we can spend more time together when we get free time. Still, we find time to ourselves and I am so thankful we can.

I'm sure that was long and boring but he really does a lot for me.
And I just didn't think I'd find someone I'd have such a balance with.
I really am lucky.
I wish everyone could have an EC...but I'm so glad he's my EC.

Anyway, cheers to everyone who has finals on their plate this week! Good luck to all and just try to get a little bit of sleep! The end is near! (:

xxx

Beth

Thanksgiving 2014

Happy TURKEYS!

This Thanksgiving has meant so much more than any I have ever taken part in. Not only has it become a family affair... it has caused much celebration of the new life entering into our care. (:

We were honored to be picked up by my father-in-law, who I truly consider my father now. He drove 7 hours to pick us up from their home to drive us all the way back... All because we don't have a very safe, reliable car right now. So, he picked us up Wednesday night and we drove to my home three hours away to spend the night with my family. I love seeing little Nicolas and all the girls. In the morning, he was awake and my mom came home bearing gifts. I love my mom.

She is the perfect picture of a mother doing her best. I'm even more inspired by the maternal instincts of my younger sister.

Honestly, I cannot wait to have a little girl to call my own; Nini is getting way too big. Right now she's more into entering adolescence than I thought.

Anyway!

We drove to Eric's house yesterday morning and had Thanksgiving dinner out...because my mother-in-law had work that night. After dinner, we went shopping! Nini bought a bunch of nail polishes (my nails are pretty fab right now...) and we bought a lot of necessary clothing items (maternity!!!). Overall, it was a pretty good trip: just tiring.

And today...we had a nice morning in and a slow breakfast of corned beef, cabbage, rice, and coffee! I love having coffee in the morning. It's a shiny little star. Afterwards, Eric and I had a little fight...but I think we were both just so anxious for what was to come today. We were going to try to find and buy a car. One of our first things we've done as a married couple. It didn't quite turn out the way we expected... and so we've had to rely on my mom-in-law to get us through the whole process. However, we're grateful and so ready to put our all into paying it off. The whole point in getting the car was to provide a safe environment for our little girl. Not just in the apartment but when we're on the road.

We are so grateful for what God and our family have put into us. They truly have faith in us as a young family. We have a lot of people we'd be disappointing if we don't get everything straight. There are too many people supporting us and giving us a leg up in this world for us to take it for granted and act frivolously.

Nini is currently painting my toe nails...and after a bit of rest from the long day, we'll be making Jell-O and peppermint mocha truffles! (=

I love my family.

Thanks to Eric, I've been able to reconnect with my sisters, connect with a father figure, and be (in my opinion) the best person I have ever known. My morals are so much more concrete than they were two years ago. My values are set in stone and I don't falter at negativity. I am a stronger woman, a stronger wife, a strong and confident mother. Thank you for your constant love and undying faith in me. I am truly, unwittingly grateful to have you in my tiny life. (:

In the meantime, when we get back to Boone, I'll be studying for finals...but mostly just waiting on Iz to come into the world. I'm going to start some projects to get the gears rolling...and so I don't get stir-crazy! Of course, I'll still walk for exercise and to help ease labor pains...but I'll still need something to do other than Netflix!

Things to work on pre-Iz:

• writing and illustrating a children's book
• bigger watercolor pieces
• coursework for my online business classes

I am excited for this life with Eric...this life with little Iz!

xxx

Beth

So...

Pregnancy is getting a little more difficult. Haha. She is definitely taking up more space and therefore squishing my organs even more than she already has been. But it's bearable. I know she's only going to get bigger...so, I have to be ready!

In other words, here is some of the art hung up at App Cookie Co.

I'm very excited to have it there. I just hope people are receptive to it. I also hope to hang more up in there! These pieces are pretty small, so it would be awesome to have a few more works in there. (:

I only have two more weeks of this semester left though (not including finals)! So, I'm excited for that. I'll be glad to be done with classes for now though and just focus on bearing Iz. I know some people go into it without much preparation but I think I'd pass out if I didn't try to prepare beforehand. 

I'm studying a little right now. We shopped for Christmas presents yesterday! Because we won't be leaving town after we get back from Thanksgiving in VA Beach... Just to be safe. (; I'm excited to give everyone their presents. I super miss my family. Well, after this, the next time we see them we will have a baby!

I totally said this to the last Blazing Easels class: "Next time I see you guys, I'll have a baby!". Even Ms. Kay wants me to bring little Izzy to visit. (: I know the kids will be excited to see her. Haha. It won't really stick in their minds, the way I've forgotten all instances of pregnant women in my life (including my mom), but I'm excited to share with them this part of my life. ^________^

I'm also excited to be working with toddlers next semester. Ugh. Working for Sandra and Pegge is literally the best job in the world. c: The staff threw me a tiny baby shower and it was the sweetest thing in the world. I couldn't have asked for a better job.

I'm going to finish taking notes.

xxx

Beth C:

Art journey.

Here's my online portfolio: http://perlizbethdeleon.tumblr.com/

Yesterday, Eric and I picked up some frames to hang a few pieces up at the Cookie Company. (:

We framed, decided on prices, and made labels. Today, we go hang them up! I am super duper excited. I've never really put my work physically out in the public sphere like this... I can't wait to see the response.

I'm really going to try and focus on my artwork, as well as, school and Izzy and my PT job at Turchin. 

Hopefully, I can find more places to show my art. ^____^ 

Selling a lot of my art and some cards! (=

Hi friends! I've recently photographed and put up a bunch of pieces for sale on my Facebook page. (=

Please contact me with an email a perlizbethart@gmail.com if you're interested in one of them or a commission!

https://www.facebook.com/puretsu

Our sweet Izzy.

I found this quote in an article:

"A kid's life is like a painting," says Dr. Thompson. "The initial brushstrokes begin to define it, but by the time he's in grade school, there are so many different strokes that you can't even see the early ones anymore." And whatever style that work of art turns out to be, it will be a beautiful surprise.

I love the metaphor. The way you raise your child from when he/she is an infant can really affect who they are in the future, just like the start of a beautiful piece of artwork.

I had a dream about Iz-Iz last night and having to keep her warm with a thermal blanket. She was very small and had her papa's big eyes. (: It may be a little more difficult to sleep now but I am so excited for her arrival. I am so excited to hold her in my arms soon. (:

Today, we are having a lovely snow day in with Dominoes and tea and hot cocoa. So thankful that God has provided us with nourishment day after day.

You can see the snow outside our window on this lovely little hill. (: It's flurrying still. Hee. It makes me happy. The first snow of the winter! c:

xxx

Betcha and Iz-Iz

We are doing exactly what needs to be done.

Getting pulled by all these different ropes from birth, we can finally step forward on our own.
It is by choice.
It is through much thought that we venture now.
Our feet hurt but we have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge.
We have each other.
Nothing could give me more courage than this simple fact.

6 months.

Tonight, EC took me out on a wonderful date. (=

No one's ever been this kind to me. I'm so happy to have him in my life.
We had me get ready by 6 before he got home and told me to hide in the bathroom while he got ready. I opened the door and he had a tiny little cupcake with sparkle sprinkles in it in one hand and I held it while he recited a poem he wrote. UGH. SO CUTE. And the cupcake was - DELICIOUS. Heeeeeee. (=

We went on a little walk around the long way before our reservation at a surprise restaurant. The food was amazing and fancy and they had coffee. We were stuffed before heading home. He baked the last of the cookie batch and we watched "What to Expect". I highly relate to every "pregnant" part of this movie.

Nothing will work unless we do. Nothing will work unless I do.

We're so happy about this pregnancy. Our first one resulted in a traumatizing loss. Now, we have a little miracle on her way. God has been so good to us throughout our relationship. From the day we met, all that we have lost, all that we have gained, getting married, and now. We are so blessed to have what we have and to be where we are and for Isabella to be here with us.

No one can really understand our relationship, our struggle, and our happiness because no one is us. All the harsh judgement is hard to deal with and the encouragement is welcome. But, ultimately, God guides our lives and having complete faith in him helps us see what's right in front of us. Not the words of other people, but each other's hearts and souls. We feel his presence in our marriage. His presence in our little miracle. And we know he will guide us through all the rough times and all the good times.

xxx

Beth

In 3 months.

In 3 months,  I will be a mother. Maybe a little sooner or a little later.

But in 3 months, I'm going to be the mom to my little Izzy. Eric will be her papa. We're going to be parents.

It's a little unbelievable. I feel her kick and turn and I nearly fall over every time she does but it still feels so unreal. I think about how beautiful she'll be and I start to tear up. I really do love kids. I love my sisters to death. I don't feel all the pain they feel but when they do, my insides feel like they're rotting and I cry, cry, cry. It's hard to sleep. Nightmares take over. I need them to be okay more than anything. And when Eric or my mom get hurt, I feel the same way. Their pain is so deep seated inside me and incredibly unrelenting. I need them to be okay. I can't stand thinking about their sadness, their grief, their anger. I need them to be happy. I need to see their smiles.

I don't know how hard it will be with Izzy. Talking to my mom, I tear up. My connection with her... I want Izzy to feel this close with me. I want her to love me and feel as encouraged as I feel with my own mother. I'm so scared to raise her the wrong way. Scared something will happen to her. Scared she'll experience the horrible world we live in. I... I know she will. She has to. Everyone has to. But I know how brilliant she will be. I know how brightly she's going to shine once she gets here.

UGH TEARS.

Okay. Well.

I'm very, very excited.

I love my family.

xxx

Beth

Thank you, God.

For today's payday, for extra money from writing commissions, for the bank lady giving back an overdraft fee, for the 100 on my first History and Culture exam, for EC's double shift today, for the return of a private lesson to be taught by just Eric (Because I make the kid nervous ): but i'm sure with time, i'll be able to teach it, too. Haha.), for healthy food and a healthy baby, for a loving family, for a loving husband, for all the opportunities.

And we still pray for EC to get into ASU so he can pursue his dream to teach dance.

I'm so thankful.

xxx

Betcha

...and Izzy. (:

Happy days.

My belly bump is gradually getting bigger because, well, Izzy is getting bigger. I'm so excited to welcome this new addition into our family. (: Our family, up until January, will have mostly been Meemerz and the plants... Which is fine but the little one growing my belly is probably the shining star, even brighter than Eric and I.

I have work in half an hour. Need to ask for a larger shirt because my Medium sized one doesn't fit me anymore. ): The bottom of my belly shows. Hee. So, either getting a larger one or just going to enjoy wearing my own shirt for four hours, since my shift isn't super long. I just know I'll be guarding in the future, so I might need it in the future. Haha.

I love working at Turchin because everyone is super nice and welcoming. They've all been super supportive of our family and such lovely people to work with. However, guarding isn't the most strenuous job, so it makes sense. I'm just glad that they are happy with me. It helps that my two bosses are woman and mothers. Well, they've been mothers for a while now and when they had babies, they couldn't see their faces while they were still in the womb. Haha. Ultrasounds really are advancing... Soon, we'll be getting super clear pictures of babies inside the womb. And I'll be jealous of all the expecting mothers in a decade.

EC and I have been reading a lot of John Green and Murakami books... Murakami is vastly more adult and graphic but his work is so intriguing.

I just feel like creating right now. I freestyled, like for a good bit, earlier this morning for the first time in a long time. I haven't really dedicated any time to dance so it felt really awesome. But I'll be creating some art during my shift. I've got collage materials and pens and a pencil and my sketchbook! (:

Well, bye for now.

xxx

Beth

Safety.

I am so sorry to find one of my fellow students deceased after so much of this campus has spent more than a week looking for her when she disappeared. In so many of my classes we have discussed her and our own personal fears regarding the situation.

It wasn't until Pegge was asking everyone in the Tuesday at Turchin class if all of us had someone to walk with to our destinations afterwards. In fact, I hadn't really thought much about her going missing until her adamant remarks. This is mostly because, no, I didn't have someone to walk back with. I was planning on going to the library and after finishing up some work, walking back to the apartment. And until that moment, I wasn't scared to do so. But when Pegge found I didn't have anyone to walk with she looked me in the eye, held my hands in hers, furrowing her eyebrows to make me promise to call Eric until I got there.

So, that's what I did. I thought it was silly still but felt relieved when he answered the phone before trekking a small trip to the library. There's supposed to be a blue phone in the walkway between the library parking deck and the church but it wasn't illuminated the way they are supposed to be.

But I got to the library safely. I did my work. Read a while. And then made to leave for my apartment.

I won't lie. I was paranoid walking back. It was 11 at night. The rain had just let up. EC had to hang up and I was trying to call my house phone. People were out so late, loud, and in groups. I guess I shouldn't have been scared but the unwarranted loud noises were startling and I'm really more scared for my baby than for myself. If I was by myself, I may have been a little more relaxed but carrying a baby makes me much more cautious.

My mom phoned me as I was getting into my apartment building and she asked me if everything was okay. I just couldn't say yes. I did not feel okay. I felt unsafe. I felt scared. I felt like something bad might happen to me. So I burst out in tears. I cried for a while and she's always known how to handle that sort of situation of mine. She can always calm me down. Eric called me back, too, and everything felt better.

I've felt unsafe by myself. I don't feel comfortable anymore. I will force myself to find the safe way to wherever I need to go. Even if it means sleeping in the library or calling up someone when I feel like an inconvenience. I will not sacrifice my baby's safety for anything.

Typing this entry, I feel despair in my stomach. Filled to the brim, I don't know if I will ever fully come to terms with the evil ways of this world.

xxx

Beth

Happy, happy, happy.

I am very, very tired! Haha. Less than 8 hours of sleep the last two days...and it wouldn't be that big of a deal but pregnancy makes a girl really tired! I really am trying to go to bed around 11 every night... But I went to sleep around 3AM on Sunday night and then around 1:30AM yesterday. ): And waking up at 9 on Monday and then 8 this morning. Which... is fine. Haha. Tonight, I'm getting those 8 hours. (: Well, Izzy and I are getting our 8 hours.

Today, we had cereal and coffee to go! I just had a banana because I thought I didn't have one today but I totally had the banana Eric brought me this morning while I was printing stuff. Haha... I had to fix my time sheet and print out a paper this morning before my 9AM.

9AMs are definitely more doable for me than 8AMs. (:

It's nice to find a good time for my classes. It only took me around two years... Haha.

So, after my class EC and I had soup from Cascades so he could catch the bus for his class. I caught up with Casey, also an Art Ed major, and she was super excited for our little family. It's nice to chat with loving people. (:

Then I had two lectures before we headed to the bank. During that time, EC was able to change my October appointment to 3:45PM but my appointment in two weeks is still at 3:15PM which means I'm going to have to talk to my professor about leaving a little early. We have an exam that day but hopefully she excuses me... They gave me an appointment card but I'll probably have to get a note while I'm there.

This will be our 3rd prenatal appointment! (: And then the morning after we have to go back for another ultrasound. We have to go back to get a good picture of her face! (: We finally get to see your full on face, Isabella! Heeeee!

After the bank, we paid rent and had dinner at Stickboy Kitchen before Eric had to fly off to work. He works open to close tonight. ): I might have to encourage for him to take more naps after working like this. He only gets about 5 hours a night after working till close... I just want him to be a healthy and living well. Actually, might encourage him to take naps and to exercise! We already talked about him going on runs to build up energy for the baby. Haha.

But after Eric went to work, I went to Tuesday at Turchin and Molly showed up after a little. It was seriously one of the best ways I've spent my free time in a long time. The class is free, I get to spend time with happy people, and I get to do art. It's pretty awesome. (=

I was going to do yoga after I showered but it's too late in the evening... But, I'll probably try to do it tomorrow. (: I love doing my prenatal yoga. I think Izzy likes it, too. She never kicks while I'm practicing but she does move around quite a bit. It's only in class and after a lot of caffeine that she kicks me a lot.

We have to get the tires changed before we can head down to Raleigh for dance practice.
We also need to find a new home for Meemerz and de-flea my bedroom down there.

But, it's so nice knowing I only have one class on Thursday. (:

I'm going to relax and then fall asleep. (:

Have a good night, everyone!

xxx

Betcha and Izzy <3

WHAT I LEARNED IN BOATING SCHOOL IS...

• Mommy Moore!
• Table.
• Chairs.
• Sunrise Grill (Thank you for butting us food! c: ).
• The world's best breakfast burrito EVER.
• The world's best tater tots ever.
• The world's best Reese's pancake ever.
• Yik Yak.
• Heavy lifting (Eric, not me).
• A new maternity dress.
• Cute little baby boy clothes for de nephew.
• Belly band!
• Flip flops (For Eric, not me).
• Plants (Lady, Merlin, and ZZ).
• A new Fall-scented candle.
• New, comfy, sporty flats. (: (: (: (I love these shoes more than I've loved any shoes ever).
• Comfy, new, footed tights (In the laundry).
• Laundry.
• Chocolate-covered potato chips.
• BABIES EVERYWHERE.
• Potting our plants.
• Putting new artwork up.
• Dinner and Coffee Prince.
• Cuddles.
• Homework.
• Diggs Deeper stuff.
• Now.

Today was very filled with things. I haven't done this much stuff in a day in a very long time. I wish I could be more detailed. Maybe tomorrow.

I... am tired. (=

xxx

Beth

I made things today! Kind of.

"saunter"

"supporting role"

"circle circle dot dot"

I love making things. I also really love these paints. SO GOOD.

They all have a lot more work to be done but for the most part they are almost there!

There's another one but I was too lazy to take a picture.

The top one is about 20 inches by 14 inches and the other two are about half that size.

I'm trying harder to work bigger.

It's shu hard... Izzy keeps moving while I paint.

And especially after I eat things.

She has taste buds now but I can't tell if she likes the taste or doesn't...

Cheers to 21 weeks! 19 to go! (:

xxx

Betcha

Labor Day Weekend.

Yoga and chores and buying plants and new maternity things and doing homework and YouTube and pilates and prenatal exercises and chores and husband and baby.

c:

I know this is going to be hard.

It's hard as it is. It's hard right now. But I know it's going to get even more rough.

I don't even know if I'm prepared to handle what's to come.
Realistically, all that I hope to accomplish is possible.
All my dreams are within reach, baby or no baby. Husband or no husband.
All I need to do is work for it.

I'm already working less and taking less hours than I normally would.
But that's just how I need to tackle school. After two years, I know that taking five classes at once versus 6 or 7 at once along with two jobs and extra-curricular activities is just too much for me to handle. I want to take advantage of my classes now instead of cramming all this information into my head and not enjoying them the way I should. I've heard too many older people regret not taking their time in college and just rushing to get out in 4 years with the exact degree they need to obtain the career they'll have for the rest of their lives.
I don't plan on having the same career from now until forever. I crave flexibility and unorthodox schedules. I love always having something different to do every day.

I'm actually interested in what my professors are saying, in the homework and readings they assign, in the tasks I must complete. I'm invested in my jobs and the experience they will give me for my future. I'm inspired to work in all art forms and there are no more limits to my creation.

People new to creation will get creative blocks. People seasoned in the field will see that failure is eminent no matter what. There will always be something we don't like with what we create and a few months or a year later, we'll look back and admire the power of our expression.

There's something wrong with it. I just need to tweak it a little here... Add a little more cool color there... Define a shape a little more on this beat... Sing with a little more vibrato in this verse... Something will always need work in the heat of the moment because OH MY GOODNESS it is so hard to step back and look at what you're doing because in that moment? In that moment, it's your baby. You want to nourish it, make it better, encourage it's growth, encourage greatness but it's so hard to tell what this baby needs because all the dialogue that goes on between you and it is in your mind.

But a few days from now, a few weeks or a month... it'll look completely different.

And I'm learning that. I'm learning to not be afraid with watercolors...not be afraid of my audience because the only audience that matters is me.

Why put art in a box when it's sole purpose is to tear down the walls?

xxx

Beth

Just studying...

Schoolwork is a pain...but it must be done.

Only one week in!

xxx

Beth

Going to bed completely satisfied.

I love this feeling. I haven't felt this way in a long time. This feeling of utter accomplishment. This feeling of doing everything I needed to do today/tonight and more! I'm documenting so hopefully I feel the need to document again. Honestly, it really is just the first day and if I can just make this a habit, I know good things will come of it. I have everything to gain and nothing to lose. It's like having to just wake up in the morning regardless of how heavy my eyelids are. I have to commit and do regardless of how much work it feels like and how far away it all seems. Starting is the hardest part and if I can just get past that point... I'll be good.

My goals for this semester? (I decided to set some but really, truly stick to them! It's even my phone's lock screen!)

• Commit to study times!
• get dressed up
• eat/drink/snack healthy
• take breaks
• Go to every class!
• get dressed up
• bring a healthy drink
• engage yourself
• Establish sleep times!
• read 10-10:30 nightly
• take vitamin for breakfast
• set your own alarm

It's good that I'm putting these down somewhere again. I was starting to forget them... I made them a few weeks ago after all! But this is what I think will help me get to my three main goals. I tried to make those three main goals things that would help me accomplish an overarching goal: work hard on and turn in every assignment!

It sounds really hard... so I do hope to accomplish this small feat in my academic career!

Comment your study tips and tell me how you like to study! Coffee, tea, or energy drink? Classical, rock, or K-pop? Hour long sessions with 10 minute breaks? Cramming before the test?

And please, please, please someone share their magical secrets of always going to class and always going to the library!

Motivation is key!

xxx

Beth

Why Art Education?

I've thought about this countless times before but never too deeply. I always knew that I wanted to work with kids and I've wanted to work with art. It just so happens Art Education brings both those things together. But today, my Intro to Art Ed professor asked us why we wanted to Art Ed: a familiar but unexplored question. So, I thought about it. I was second to last of 12 people in the room so I had a lot of time. And in that time, I figured some of it out.

I thought about where it started...when I was a little kid. I watched my brother draw and he was my hero; I wanted to be just like him. So, that's what I did. I drew and made art and I loved it.

Then I got three little sisters and they saw Chris and I drawing and wanted to venture into the same field. All of us love to draw while our parents are hardly artistic.

I discovered music in middle school and dance in high school. I've learned to love singing, making music, movement, and visual art making. The creative arts is so fascinating and lovely to me and I couldn't see myself doing anything else.

In high school, I started working at Marbles and for Artspace's Summer Arts Camp for kids. I got involved with my NAHS and with different community art organizations around Raleigh including ArtReach 4 Kids and different library events. I loved being part of a like-minded creative people and even just people who were just starting to try their hands at creativity.

I loved working with art and my little sisters and I wanted to be more. I want to bring all the arts together to all walks of life from the young to the elderly and make sure no one is left without a choice to dance or sing or create. So many people say "I can't do that!" when it comes to these different arts...but in reality, it isn't a skill set, it is an experience. Whether someone is good at something or not...does NOT mean that a person shouldn't be able to express themselves creatively.

I'm excited to learn more about teaching and take one step closer to my goals.

xxx

Beth

Comfort in our own minds.

This is what art is. This is what creativity means. To feel every single bit of your brain working to innovate, create, and bring meaning to the lifeless. And this completely encompasses my entire experience from this week's workshop. I feel like I've improved so much in the past week and I've never been so proud and excited to create the way I did every moment of this week.

There were plenty of bumps in the road and many comments from my professor that urged me to think and work differently. But that's the point. The point is to continue to check yourself, re-work, make mistakes and try again! In art, there is no wrong. Even mistakes are beautiful. Those mistakes are the tiny bits that make our work human and real and utterly amazing.

I cannot wait to create more.

xxx

Beth

Tomorrow.

Is a BIG day.

• My week long (36 hour) life drawing class starts tomorrow. Four hours in the morning, a hour long lunch, four hours in the afternoon (but just the four morning hours for Friday).
• I have to leave during lunch so I can go to Winkler before moving in so I can get my key and move in around 3.
• I have to go pay first month's rent for the Lofts meaning I have to find my checkbook again...
• My class ends at 4 so hopefully I am still in time for the move-in. They did say in the e-mail to not be there right at the move-in time but a little after... Either way, I'll have people to help me move in.
• Why do all the things I have to do tomorrow have to overlap like this?
• Unpacking EVERY LITTLE THING.

I'm excited.

A week until gender ultrasound. 

(=

Sometimes, I like the quiet of being in college, trying to keep us supported, being away from family, being away from much responsibility aside from my own and his. I like the quiet but I miss the sweet smiles of my cute little sisters and the cute cries from my little nephew and the loving purrs of my little kitty cat... I miss taking care of things. Here at Molly's house I can't really do all of that. Tomorrow, I'll have a house to take care of but honestly, there's nothing in this world like caring for life. I love hugging Eric when he gets home from work. I love cuddling up to my mom in her bed when I wake up at home and know she's exhausted from the previous night. I love bouncing up and down to keep Nicolas soothed. I love talking to my sisters on the phone because it really is all I can do from such a distance. I miss so being near them and being able to take care of them so much. I love the responsibility. And, in the same if not stronger way, I'm so excited to take care of little Izzy. I am so, so, so happy to know that I'm creating life myself to take care of. I love being able to relate to my sister and my mom on a deeper level. I love my family and my husband so very much. They are beautiful, beautiful people who never cease to amaze me with their kindness and unwavering support.

I couldn't ask for a better mother, better sisters, or a better husband.

I thank God countless times a day for this incredible blessing.

xxx

Beth

Good morning, fog and mountains!

We just woke up, got ready, and left the house. We're going to work!

We're still in limb right now but we move in on Monday! Heee! I'm super excited. (=

EC and I are talking about the future. Man, I love this boy. Our arguments are worth it. Where would I be without you by my side?

I love my family. We took care of Nicolas on Thursday night since practice was cancelled. That little boy is the cutest thing! I can't wait to have a little nugget of my own. (= She is currently as big as a bell pepper! We're almost exactly one week away from our gender ultrasound. I am ecstatic! We're both so excited to find out. 

Well, I'll check in later.

Love,

Beth!

Earth Fare Strawberries.

They're so yummy.
And the already cut ones are so good; I'm not sure if it's because I'm lazy but that's probably the reason. I could eat them all day.

They also allow your body to absorb more iron.

I need to start drinking more water again. Both fiber, protein, and water intake must go up to feed the little one. (=

I have a week long life drawing class next week and the Monday after that we find out the gender! YAS. I should probably brush up on my skills a little. Haven't drawn from observation in a good minute.

EC is at work right now and we're watching Shrek. *___*

9 days till we move in to the new apartment! It's going to be small but easy to clean and we're really trying to move into a bigger space when the little one comes. c:

I've been very susceptible to sadness lately. Crying is my specialty. But no matter how bright life's true colors blind me, I'm trying to veer and overcome. It can be so hard to climb over a mountain because no matter how hard you try...you can't just smash it into the ground. All I can do in moment's like these is get a good's night sleep, eat healthy, and slowly but surely get to the other side.

I was reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson today and the boy's two rules are "Shut up" and "Don't care". It's something I still do to this day. But in situations like these all there is to do is not think too much about it and do whatever I can to right the wrong.

xxx

Beth

I am addicted.

James Vincent McMorrow is so good. 

His music is everything. 

We finally moved out of the apartment and are currently in limbo at Molly's place. We aren't moving into the new apartment until the 11th. 

My belly is getting bigger.

I'm feeling grouchy but it's probably just because I'm sleepy. Can't believe I forgot to take my pill earlier... Sigh. 

I'm going to be knocking out here in a second. We have our mattress set up in the living room. 

Hoping to head to the studio tomorrow morning. Meant to go tonight but I'm just too tired running on a few hours. 

Praying I get a good night's sleep. (=

xxx

-Beth

Waiting in traffic.

We just finished teaching our class for Inspire Arts Collective. (: We taught a contemporary class together. We only had three students but oh my goodness it was so enlightening and beautiful. They looked amazing. 

EC and I are chatting about Sam Smith and praying. Trying to pass time. 

We are heading for a bite to eat and then checking out the big duck and the Chrysler Museum of Art. (=

On Wednesday, I had my actual first prenatal appointment! First ultrasound. She was so cute and moving and the In the Lonely Hour album was playing...and as we saw her Make It To Me was playing. ^____^

We get to find out the gender in three weeks from Monday! The day before school starts. I'm very excited. We really want a girl. 

Oh, traffic. 

I love working with these faith-based dance organizations. It's so good to see His inspiration in the hearts of dancers. 

One of our students today had her first dance class in years and she did amazing. All of them did. So willing to work and put forth effort. 

It was also very nice to teach with Eric. He and I truly love teaching together. This is really the first college-aged group we've ever taught. So far we've only taught kids. (= I love that we can express ourselves so well through movement and that our inspiration can be so easily translated to our students. 

Hopefully we can make it to the museum in time. I really want to enjoy the art. 

Go inspire yourselves! Art, dance, music, anything!

xxx

Beth

Today!

Is my first prenatal appointment. (: I'm very excited.

I should probably shower but I'm super lazy... I really just need to do it. Haha. But I have to shower and go through clothes a little. Meemerz is going super crazy... She should really be sleeping! Haha. EC and I are teaching a class this Saturday but unfortunately it's the same day as the KCVA intensive so a lot of people are going to that instead. :c

Oh well. There's really not a lot to do about it. I think we're both just really excited about this opportunity. We haven't finished a piece together since last year... So, here we go!

I'm at 15 weeks. 25 to go! But I'm starting to show and cute maternity clothes are probably the best part about this. We have to move into Molly's place soon because our lease ends on the 7th and I really want to be moved out of here by the end of this month... So, I need to get packing!

I move into the lofts on the 11th so hopefully we're not too much of a burden on all of them. (:

I'm very grateful to have such amazing friends.

Well, I'm going to go get ready! Talk to you all later. ^____^

xxx

Bethtub!

This road is a long one.

We are currently driving back from practice last night for Genetiks Crew. So hype for the pieces we have in our set. Everything looks so good! Everyone is so talented. It's so nice to be dancing with like minded people. EC taught his piece last night. He was nervous that no one liked it because everyone was so quiet but I just told him they were focusing. He's told me before that a quiet class usually means that people are focusing and really working hard to learn versus a uninterested class that would probably chat a lot. But everyone was focusing super hard and really trying to grasp his style which is so different from the 4 other pieces we learned. In all seriousness, Eric has some of the most chill yet intricate choreography. 

We got two dozen donuts. YAS. 

I swear I am so dedicated to Krispy Kreme and Sour Patch Kids. It's not even funny. I bought two packs of the Stride Sour Patch gum. 👍

Eric has to go to work today but I need to clean the house and find my insurance card for my prenatal appointment on Monday. ); It has to be somewhere! 

We told some of the crew last night because our President asked. Haha. They were so excited and supportive! I'm so glad to bring a baby into such a happy family and community. 

I'm so excited. (:

Cheers to life!

xxxx

Beth

For sale on Etsy!

I have a bunch of items up for sale on Etsy! Check it out (:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/perlizbethdeleon

Struggling.

We're really trying to watch what we spend. We've really been watching what we've been spending. So the fact that we just got billed $1,500 for water for the last two months is completely ridiculous. We already had Ted look at it and the water people but Thursday I'm trying to get the plumber to come look for ANYTHING. Because I'm not paying this much money for water for two months. Even between two people it's like $500 and that's more than our monthly rent. RIDICULOUS.

Either way, we're struggling to pay for everything right now... Rent, water, electricity, the car, food... We're really trying to stay on our own feet but I won't be mad if we get any money in food stamps... We are hardcore struggling. And it seems like even if we work every day it's not making a difference. ): Always so much to pay for.

I guess this is what life is about?

I miss walking into a store, my mom handing me a $5 bill, and that being the only money I handled ever.

Oh my my my.

xxx

Beth

Happy July!

We are super busy this month. Teaching private lessons, a dance class for Wendy's summer camp for two weeks, a workshop on the last Saturday of this month, and practice every Thursday for Genetiks. So much hype. We have so much to prepare and teach. (:

Our first class is today and I'm a little nervous...but I'm nervous before every class and every performance so I guess it's normal. I can't wait to get in the studio and teach.

I'm 20 years old now. Haha.

Weeeird.

xxx

Beth

Kitties and Kiddies.

I am a happy person. There is no doubt about it.
I am a very happy, satisfied person.
I love myself and all around me.
I am happy.
Even I believe that living feels like a dream. Living feels imaginary to the point of false reality. That's not bad. I don't know if it's good either. But I feel like living in this world as this person isn't extremely concrete. I mean, things are always changing no matter how you look at it. Everything is changing. So, how could we possibly live in a concrete world?
Two plus two might not always equal four and in the brains of some, it's twenty two or twooty two or it just stays two and two. There are a lot of possibilities in the world and far too many to make any facts set in stone.
Everyone is allowed their own individual life.
He is allowed to do whatever he wants with that life. So is she. So is everyone else.
As am I.
I am allowed to do whatever I want with my own individual life.
I'm allowed to make mistakes, to fall on my face, to eat ice cream every day WITH sprinkles. I'm allowed to fail an exam and then ace the retest. I'm allowed to love my family and sometimes hate them. I'm allowed to have two cats and a tiny human.
And that makes me a happy person.

xxx

Beth

This weekend has been crazy.

I love the arts. There is absolutely no denying it. I love, love, love the arts and all things creative. Creativity is so important in our lives as human beings. Innovation is everything.

And this weekend? I found a real sense of community. There really are good people out there but they don't come too often....so when you find them, stick to 'em. It's so important to have good people in your life to influence and help you better yourself.

That being said, I learned a lot in the past few days. Especially in the foundations, freestyle, and performance classes. Seriously? OH MY GOODNESS. I have never cyphered so much in a weekend. Never. Ever. EVER. Especially, with people watching. I finally feel some sense of confidence when I dance. And honestly, I've never felt so comfortable around a group of fellow dancers. Indeed, a lot of dance communities can stunt the growth of a dancer's freestyle, choreography, and dancing in general. But here, it feels like I'm home. Like everyone is on the same level with the same goals doing the same to help each other out.

EC and I love bringing art to the world around us and especially to those who can't get it. Training is so expensive and a lot of kids can't get any kind of art because of circumstance. Unfortunate. So...unfortunate. ): So, we want to change the circumstances of kids who aren't from financially capable households, who are in places where the arts aren't close by or easily accessible, kids who need encouragement in their art.

We want to bring those kids peace.

xxx

Beth

(peace love live)

Moving forward.

Moving forward, I'm glad so many things aren't in my life. It's taken me a long time to realize exactly what is good for me and what isn't and to actually make efforts to get the things bad for me away from me. It's a lot easier to just take things and take things but it's another to respect yourself, stand up, and walk away.

Eric and I are coming up on some hard times; this weekend is going to be crazy! But we're going to make it through. We've been working our butts off this week and we're both super tired. I'm so ready to be done with summer school.

Next month, we have a lot of dance classes to teach. We're teaching an intensive for two weeks at Wendy's and then subbing for Jose's hip-hop classes the next two weeks. At the same time, we have a gig lined up for private hip hop lessons and are teaching a couple's piece in Yorktown at the end of July. So hype!

I just hope I have enough energy to get through it all. Haha.

Peace. Love. Dance.

xxx

Beth

Our future.

Our future together is so bright. 

We have so much opportunity coming. 

This is last year's ARTspo. Just the beginning of a wonderful story. I don't know what has changed since then...but people who supported us through this, no longer support us. Is it conflicting interest? Unexplained animosity? I don't know. But whatever it is, it doesn't take away from what we have planned. 

I really enjoy working with you on ARTspo stuff, in class, teaching together, baking and delivering cookies together. We're a great team. I know this for fact. We're going to spend the rest of our life together being an amazing team! More than half the opportunities I see now are because of you, are with you, would not be if not for you. So, thank you. 

I will hang onto us forever. Our dreams and our souls align like I have never thought possible. 

Peace. Love. Live. 

Working hard; staying humble.

My body has been so sore since Jojo's 2 hour house class...

But, we've been doing our best to keep it moving from the studio on Sunday to the gym on Monday and yesterday. It's been a long, crazy process...but I'm finally starting to lose the soreness! Yes. Haha.

In the meanwhile, EC and I and the ARTspo 2014 team are working hard to bring this intensive together while still planning for the actual festival. The intensive is coming up on the first weekend of June and the festival is on the first weekend of August.

If you're a dancer, come train! Save your spot here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/artspo-dance-intensive-tickets-11528607375

Also, here is the "in-progress" shot of the flyer for the festival:

 

We're taking donations at the intensive for the festival and hopefully raising as much as we can to make it happen! The festival is going to be held in Durham, NC but we're still trying to confirm the venue.

In the meantime, I got a second job at the Cookie Company and EC and I have really been working hard to save up money. Lyssa's baby shower is this weekend! Yay! (: We miss her terribly.

This summer is definitely going to be a busy one. I'm taking summer classes, working two jobs, taking care of ARTspo things, and probably having Nini over for the summer so we can take her to art and dance classes! (: I just want her to have the opportunities EC and I never had.

Well, it's almost time to pick up Eric from work so I'll end this blog here.

Peace. Love. Live!

xxx

Beth! <3

Life is too short. Or too long?

In all seriousness, Eric and I have been dealing with a lot of bad situations as a couple. Other couples are totally cool with us and love us. People who understand love, or just us as people, are also totally cool with us. But, for some reason, being too into or close to Eric is a bad stigma to the bulk of my peers.

When I say peers, being 19 and in college, I mean the 18-22 year old college students.

But EC and I have gone so much further than we could have by ourselves. We have our own personal things and we have problems as a pair but, in truth, I feel far better off with EC in my life. I'm tired of hearing people like me being laughed at or laughed about. I was the lonely kid in middle school. I am the weird girl on the bus who everyone thought cut herself. I used to starve myself. I used to overexercise to the point of hospitalization. I had a horrible self image of myself. I did end up hurting myself a few times. I was in an on and off relationship in high school and into college that I let control me, my wallet, my lifestyle, my feelings. I have and have had a lot of feelings. I have so many weaknesses. I have so many flaws. But Eric has helped me become bigger than any of those things. Before the bulk of everything happened, I loved the quote "Life is too short, or too long, to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly". It is both a curse and a privilege to have control over our lives. It all depends on how we live. Life is too short, or too long, to spend on the negative. Life is too short, or too long, to live in flaws and mistakes. Eric showed me why all the previous things in my life haven't worked out. Eric showed me a new light. He showed me a purity and a realness that I had long forgotten and only ever had seen in my mom's eyes. We went to church together for the first time about two months after we started dating.

I don't know about anyone else (not even Eric) but God helps me move past everything he didn't want for me. He helps me see that if I didn't succeed somewhere, it was for something more. He helps me see that if I did someone wrong, I can apologize and make things right and be a more God-like individual. He helps me see that if I am wronged, I can forgive and let it go and move past to something more. He helps me see that Eric and I can move past anything together if we love through His love and allow ourselves to step on our pride and show each other humility, truly show each other our love.

He helps me live my life well and without indulging in my flaws, without drowning in my mistakes. He is the reason I am able to smile and laugh and love Eric the way I do. And for that, I am eternally grateful and 300% willing to serve in his likeness.

I used to think God was just a bunch of kitty feces. I used to. I used to think that any who followed him were just blind. But I saw Eric follow, I see him love God to his fullest, and it felt right in my heart. My heart warms every single time you pray before we eat and we both give him thanks for all he has done for us and let him know when we need his guidance. We fight and I know we're both talking to God in our silence, trying to figure out how to show each other His love instead.

But the bulk of my peers don't understand that because God's love is universal so is the love we share on Earth. And the bulk of my peers don't understand that just because I am in love with him and he is a louder person while I have always been a quiet one does NOT mean that he defines me. Yes, he is part of my definition, but I am my own person. We both help each other be who we want to be. And just because Eric speaks louder than me and is more outgoing than me does not make me any less of a human being and any less deserving of respect as an individual person.

We are all our own people. We are all different, with different backgrounds, different cultures, different lives and situations.

Let us celebrate our differences and celebrate that we all live differently.

People will always fear what they don't understand. But just because someone is different doesn't mean they aren't a human being.

Life is too short, or too long, to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly.

So, let's live well. All of us. For if a single one of us is not living well...how could the rest of us?

Peace. Love. Live.

There's more to it.

There is more to life than ourselves. In the grand scheme of things, we are each so small and tiny that trees grow bigger and longer than us, most of us haven’t traveled outside our own countries, a lot of us have trouble committing to one person, one life. Even I feel like I expect more than what is to come. This is what stories are for. Explosions, buried treasure, far off places, things we could never imagine. It’s hard to separate reality and fantasy the right way. All of us dream. Daydreams, nightmares, dreams for the future. All of these are important on the same level.

But, in short, even these dreams are bigger than us.

We are small and we have to fight to make a change to do anything of a lasting impact.

But is that really true?

Wishing someone a good morning or leaving a tip larger than 15% can easily impact someone. And is this impact not important compared to the environment or poverty? In order to get to the big things, we need to start small. In order to save a thousand people, we need to be able to help at least one. Being positive and well towards someone is just as important as giving to charity or volunteering your time. You really can’t accomplish one without the other.

So, go do something beyond yourself. Something as simple as leaving a bigger tip or holding the door open. Something as large as volunteering your time or donating to a charity.

I hope you have a wonderful day. (:

You are exquisite in every single way.

Peace.

Love.

Live.