I have a sun
Tattooed
on the back of my neck
instead of in my arms
he is in my heart
he was a small clump
of skin
and blood
and he came sooner
than i
thought
so he lives
on the back
of my neck
where, like in real life,
i can feel him
but i can't see him
i remember him sometimes
my sun
and i reach up to
find him
in the clouds
among the angels
i reach up to
my sun
on the back
of my neck
and i feel him
but I can't see him
he's there
i can feel it
but i wish i could see him
because after they took him from me
in the emergency room
after they confirmed
yes
it's a fetus
they took him away
in a small, metal tray
and the last time I looked
was right when it happened
and I wish I had had the courage to look again
before they...
took him away...
but I didn't
and I wish
I wish
I wish
I would give anything
to go back and see you
and have the courage
to look at you
but i was scared
I was scared of the fetus that emerged from me
I was scared of the life I created
I was too afraid to look at you
I was too afraid to love you
I would give anything
to see you
because i have the courage now
instead i had someone
tattoo a sun
on the back of my neck
so I could sometimes remember
it was there
and never forget that you were here
however briefly
you were here
and you're somewhere else now
but you're still mine
and i'm still your mommy
and I don't want to forget
my sun
