Life is too short. Or too long?

In all seriousness, Eric and I have been dealing with a lot of bad situations as a couple. Other couples are totally cool with us and love us. People who understand love, or just us as people, are also totally cool with us. But, for some reason, being too into or close to Eric is a bad stigma to the bulk of my peers.

When I say peers, being 19 and in college, I mean the 18-22 year old college students.

But EC and I have gone so much further than we could have by ourselves. We have our own personal things and we have problems as a pair but, in truth, I feel far better off with EC in my life. I'm tired of hearing people like me being laughed at or laughed about. I was the lonely kid in middle school. I am the weird girl on the bus who everyone thought cut herself. I used to starve myself. I used to overexercise to the point of hospitalization. I had a horrible self image of myself. I did end up hurting myself a few times. I was in an on and off relationship in high school and into college that I let control me, my wallet, my lifestyle, my feelings. I have and have had a lot of feelings. I have so many weaknesses. I have so many flaws. But Eric has helped me become bigger than any of those things. Before the bulk of everything happened, I loved the quote "Life is too short, or too long, to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly". It is both a curse and a privilege to have control over our lives. It all depends on how we live. Life is too short, or too long, to spend on the negative. Life is too short, or too long, to live in flaws and mistakes. Eric showed me why all the previous things in my life haven't worked out. Eric showed me a new light. He showed me a purity and a realness that I had long forgotten and only ever had seen in my mom's eyes. We went to church together for the first time about two months after we started dating.

I don't know about anyone else (not even Eric) but God helps me move past everything he didn't want for me. He helps me see that if I didn't succeed somewhere, it was for something more. He helps me see that if I did someone wrong, I can apologize and make things right and be a more God-like individual. He helps me see that if I am wronged, I can forgive and let it go and move past to something more. He helps me see that Eric and I can move past anything together if we love through His love and allow ourselves to step on our pride and show each other humility, truly show each other our love.

He helps me live my life well and without indulging in my flaws, without drowning in my mistakes. He is the reason I am able to smile and laugh and love Eric the way I do. And for that, I am eternally grateful and 300% willing to serve in his likeness.

I used to think God was just a bunch of kitty feces. I used to. I used to think that any who followed him were just blind. But I saw Eric follow, I see him love God to his fullest, and it felt right in my heart. My heart warms every single time you pray before we eat and we both give him thanks for all he has done for us and let him know when we need his guidance. We fight and I know we're both talking to God in our silence, trying to figure out how to show each other His love instead.

But the bulk of my peers don't understand that because God's love is universal so is the love we share on Earth. And the bulk of my peers don't understand that just because I am in love with him and he is a louder person while I have always been a quiet one does NOT mean that he defines me. Yes, he is part of my definition, but I am my own person. We both help each other be who we want to be. And just because Eric speaks louder than me and is more outgoing than me does not make me any less of a human being and any less deserving of respect as an individual person.

We are all our own people. We are all different, with different backgrounds, different cultures, different lives and situations.

Let us celebrate our differences and celebrate that we all live differently.

People will always fear what they don't understand. But just because someone is different doesn't mean they aren't a human being.

Life is too short, or too long, to allow myself the luxury of living it so badly.

So, let's live well. All of us. For if a single one of us is not living well...how could the rest of us?

Peace. Love. Live.

There's more to it.

There is more to life than ourselves. In the grand scheme of things, we are each so small and tiny that trees grow bigger and longer than us, most of us haven’t traveled outside our own countries, a lot of us have trouble committing to one person, one life. Even I feel like I expect more than what is to come. This is what stories are for. Explosions, buried treasure, far off places, things we could never imagine. It’s hard to separate reality and fantasy the right way. All of us dream. Daydreams, nightmares, dreams for the future. All of these are important on the same level.

But, in short, even these dreams are bigger than us.

We are small and we have to fight to make a change to do anything of a lasting impact.

But is that really true?

Wishing someone a good morning or leaving a tip larger than 15% can easily impact someone. And is this impact not important compared to the environment or poverty? In order to get to the big things, we need to start small. In order to save a thousand people, we need to be able to help at least one. Being positive and well towards someone is just as important as giving to charity or volunteering your time. You really can’t accomplish one without the other.

So, go do something beyond yourself. Something as simple as leaving a bigger tip or holding the door open. Something as large as volunteering your time or donating to a charity.

I hope you have a wonderful day. (:

You are exquisite in every single way.

Peace.

Love.

Live.

Weekend 7: A Peace of Mind.

I have such a beautiful family. (:

Here are a few others. Haha. Three others to be specific. Nicolas is coming in about two months! ^-^

I really do love my family. They are such wonderful people in my life. I don't know who I would be or where I would be without them and their constant support. They are there for me and always care about me. We all have such a pure mutual love and respect for each other.

This weekend, we went home for Easter and spent a lovely evening with my family. In the morning we went to church!

I love going to church with EC. I especially love going to church with our families. Nini hasn't been to church in a year or so...so I'm glad we could take her. (: 

Church is just a great way to connect spiritually with God and yourself.

We had lunch at Cici's.

Precious really likes my BNGA hat. Haha. I'm hoping to expose her more to dance. She's been to a few workshops with us. Hopefully we can take her to more. (:

After lunch, we found Ruby!

Ruby is the sweetest little puppy. She is so fun and we all give her a lot of attention. Haha. She used to be my brother's dog but now she lives with my dad. She really is a sweet girl and I wish EC and I could just have her!

After lunch, LeDarius, EC, and I headed to the studio to meet with the new crew. We talked for a while and then started dancing! We learned three pieces total including one that EC taught.

By the end of it all, I was pretty tired.

I just know that I love dance. Dance is my passion for no reason but, at the same time, for all the reasons. By no means am I naturally good at it but I love it. The same with art. But I just love it. There really is something innate in it. (: and dancing with them just felt so right. I'm kind of scared of the prospect of family. I just hope that when it comes down to it, dance is important to all of us and this crew can be something we all commit to. They all really are great dancers. We're all kind of on the same level but just with different styles. What I look forward to the most is learning from everyone and really taking on the challenges we'll set for each other.

We talked after the day and Bryant is totally down for travel and video projects together. It really is exciting. (: Being on the same page is hard but I know our group can do it.

Today, we woke up and took a trip the farmer's market, downtown Raleigh, and NCMA. 

We ate at the farmer's market restaurant and perused the market. (: The whole experience was so nostalgic because of the open air markets all around in the Philippines. Being there really took me back. We bought some homemade marshmallows and a golden star cactus. The cactus is so cute and lovely! We figure this is a good first step in terms of taking care of something. Haha. 

LeDarius's food.

EC's food.

Beth's food.

The marshmallows!

After the market, we went downtown to explore but everywhere we tried to go was closed... But we got to stop by Benelux (the first place EC and I went on a date)! 

Outside CAM. Disappointed of it being closed but furiously talking about the location and how it's PERFECT for a video concept. Benches galore!

We totally just decided to go to NCMA because why would it be closed? But it was... So, we just walked along the trail they have outside with all the art along it. It really was amazing. We figured that it would be awful to not go outside on such a beautiful day anyway. Looking at art outside (in a different environment) really gives you a different perspective. All the work we saw was super outside the box and beyond anything I could have imagined for an outside installation!

One of the pieces was a structure made as a kind of shelter. We struggled to resist an urge to climb all the fun bars!

It was super relaxing and inspiring. The art was so much bigger than any of us expected. Definitely go if you get the chance especially because of all this brilliant weather!

I had such a fun weekend. It's sad to say good-bye to it. I love being surrounded by the people I love. It's almost depressing to not be. 

EC and I have a lot of projects for the future. We also have a lot of things happening in our future. So much excitement to look forward to in our lives! Yay!

Peace. Love. Live. 

Class.

EC and I had an amazing experience taking class last night. I felt so focused and ready to take class. I didn't feel limited. I truly felt like I was free to dance and just dance because it's my passion. I really just want to have fun with the things I love. I've learned that these are the moments where I learn and create the most. If everything were serious and made in comparison to others, nothing would be real, nothing would be my own but just molded and shaped because of others. But yeah. EC and I both really look up to Cookies and the members we've met have all been really nice and chill. And the fact that many of the members of the crew are couples, gives us something to look at as role models when it comes to dance couples. Not many dance couples in our community collaborate and it's just hard to find that kind of inspiration within our own dance family. So, it was nice seeing how they worked together to teach class and carry themselves. (:

I feel extremely inspired to choreograph. Dancing is suddenly more fun than it has been in a while. 😍💕

Yes, creative juices. 

Peace. Love. Dance. 

Life.

This is just a quick rundown of the past few days.

I went home this weekend and got to hang out with all my sisters for a little bit.

The one below is Precious. (:

After KODACHROME and coming back to Boone, EC had to go straight to work. ): So, I took a picture with him and posted on instagram with a letter about how much I care about him. I want him to feel loved and I know going in to work yesterday must have been the absolute worst. :c

But then, later that day, after he got off work, we went on a date! (:

Here are pictures of food and silliness and love. <3

After our food babies calmed down, we went to the studio to learn Nick and Molly's piece. We kind of passed out on the floor. In the best way possible. (:

But, yeah. Their piece was so great and the musicality extremely on point.

Today has been so full and busy of class and work and getting things done and I really need to relax... EC is at work right now. He gets off in an hour though! So much excitement. ^-^

In class today, I sat on my paint.

But here is my final for Painting I. In progress, of course. But it certainly is getting there. (: I really love this style of painting people and I'm seriously trying to have fun with this painting. At the beginning of class, my professor saw my sketch she was saying how much fun it was and how it seemed like I was trying to paint seriously. "The way we feel when we're painting shows in the finished product". She's such a wise soul. But after her advice, I always feel like I have a good sense of direction to do what I need to get where I want to be. ^-^

The in progress painting...

And the sketch...

Anyway, I have a lot of stuff to get done! I'm going to work tomorrow morning and then EC and I are off to Alexandria to take class from Kevin Nguyen and Dea Sevilla of Cookies. So much excitement is happening! I could literally flail all over my bed right now. Haha. 

Anyway, good night to all of you!

Peace. Love. Live.

Thoughts on: Free Expression.

Today, I worked with the kids again and we did art based on South African culture. Seeing the way these classes are taught gives me a good idea of what to do with the WYN kids for the coming school year. The way they go about expressing themselves is so pure and without restraint. It's so rare to see in kids our age. At this point in their lives, all their little hands jump into the air to say something or answer a question and speak their mind. As they grow older, they become more boxed in. They'll get quieter.

My goal is to foster their creativity, harness it, and let it inspire their future selves for the rest of their lives.

When you ask a child to list the uses of a rubber eraser they would give you pages and pages of uses. When you ask an adult, they'll list one or two. A child's imagination isn't stunted or boxed in. A child will think about how you could attach the eraser to other things or what if it's 10 feet tall and extremely bouncy? An adult will imagine a small pink object bought in packs of 3.

We drew an outline of Africa to have them draw inside and that's where they started but the lot of them surprised me. They took a piece of chalk outside of Africa and drew it to the end of the pavement about 20 feet away. Soon, there were long sharks, whales, giraffes, and all sorts of things surrounding the continent we had given them. As college students, we saw the outline given to us and immediately thought to only draw inside it but the kids wanted outside of it. Some went a little too far and drew on the wall, which I had to stop for fear of policeman thinking we were making graffiti, but the point is that their imaginations are so big right now and what is public education to box us in? Of course there's always more than one answer. Nowadays, we're asked to call upon that power again to "think critically" but how do we do that after being taught to a test and to educational "standards"?

I live to give power to creativity.

I also watched Mary Poppins for the first time today thanks to Molly. She and I went to see it and I have never felt so many feels as I did in this movie. Also, I was like "wut" a lot but I was mostly sad and giggly. The imagination there was so crucial to the family loving each other and realizing what was beyond their noses, beyond their fingers, the people and human beings we all really are. And, really, we all need to play.

I wish it was easier for people to express themselves. Maybe then we'd have a better understanding of each other and therefore fight less...

Peace. Love. Live.

Eric.

Here is my lovely fiancé. I am terribly excited. Never in a million years did I think I would get married this early. And still, I am unafraid of this change. Everything about EC is right and even his flaws are perfect. I've never known perfection such as this. I've always had a problem believing in a higher love but with him, I can feel it.

We're saying our vows on the spot and that kind of makes me nervous. And still, I am unafraid of this change. This is for us and him and who could deny a higher love?

Not I.

Peace. Love. Live.

Upon completion.

I've been finishing a lot of pieces lately and I am extremely proud of myself. Of course, I've completed pieces of art before but these are pieces I've put a lot of time and effort and heart and soul into. I've never felt so strongly about my art before this year. Now, I love every single piece like a child. I take pride in my passions. Again, quality over quantity. Heart and soul versus how fast it can get done or how much better it'll be than something else. This art is for me and my own personal growth and must be executed and treated the same way.

"fragile"

"imagination"

"collage 1"

Please comment and show me your art! I love being inspired by fellow artists. The first two are done purely recreationally and the last one is a school assignment, painted from a collage. I've done five other paintings in this class and I've never loved painting so much. My professor is extremely wonderful and really knows how to teach the expressive arts. She's also just the right amount of lenient and strict. 

EC and I are really trying to go to the gym more and eat better. We really want to have more energy and function better in our lives. Going to the gym and eating healthy is to take care of ourselves and show our bodies gratitude for what they allow us to do and God gratitude for the beautiful bodies he has given us. I'm done taking what I have for granted. Now, I start living. Now, I start doing the most and the best I can with what I have before I try to reach out and do more and more and more until I collapse. Of course, I'll do more but I'm going to get there with what I have right now at this very moment in time.

It's hard to watch people go places every weekend, knowing what that's like and the joy of travel. But I know I need to focus on my classes right now. I need to work on my dream as an educator and factor in everything I need not just do things for the sake of doing them. My life must correspond with my intent. My intent to do more and be more and give more. Acting selfishly to act selfless. 

Peace. Love. Live.

Mornings like this.

I love quiet Sunday mornings. And, of course, I miss the rushed mornings of getting ready for a dance workshop or to leave on time in another city... But I love quietly waking up on Sunday and having an easy morning to relax and be with the one I love. To make breakfast and sit here eating it while I blog and paint. Something about it is just beautiful in it's own right.

I keep cleaning the kitchen because I know I won't have to live here for longer and I should start trying to do things by myself in the kitchen and not rely on the roommates to clean their own mess. Like, for real, it's not that big of a deal and my mom does it for us all the time. I just seriously know how she feels when she gets on us for not doing our part in the kitchen.

It's actually really unsettling to live in a dirty house and to cook food in a dirty kitchen. Things are just nicer when they're clean. Haha.

Anyway, I should start painting so I can get a little done before bringing EC lunch.

I am going to work on my stone today, too. Art projects are so time consuming...

Peace. Love. Live.

Thoughts: Part Two.

EC is very kind to me. 

I can be really stubborn. And sad. 

I sympathize with the underdog. I stand by the oppressed. I stand up to a wrong doing. 

And I cower to a scream. 

There are just some that cannot be changed. Some things that are completely out of my control. 

I need to drink more water. 

I work a 6 hour shift tomorrow. 

I have a lot of painting to do this weekend. Strawberry water is amazing. This boy will be my husband in a few weeks. Boo to all the naysayers. 

Cheers to love and compassion and mutual, basic respect. 

Thoughts: Part One.

I'm supposed to drink about 9 glasses of water a day. 

I still need to eat my orange. 

I'm headed to Wey to figure out my advisor and then home to eat and paint. I haven't been to painting in a good minute. I made $114 my last pay period. I need to get stronger and figure out how to float when I dance. 

It's super sunny out. It's also super windy out. I'm trying not to clench my teeth. I want to go swimming or hiking or something. 

I haven't meditated in like a week. 

I guess I should break out my shorts. 

I've had about five glasses of water so far. 

I think too much about the future? I think more than I should.