I made things today! Kind of.

"saunter"

"supporting role"

"circle circle dot dot"

I love making things. I also really love these paints. SO GOOD.

They all have a lot more work to be done but for the most part they are almost there!

There's another one but I was too lazy to take a picture.

The top one is about 20 inches by 14 inches and the other two are about half that size.

I'm trying harder to work bigger.

It's shu hard... Izzy keeps moving while I paint.

And especially after I eat things.

She has taste buds now but I can't tell if she likes the taste or doesn't...

Cheers to 21 weeks! 19 to go! (:

xxx

Betcha

Labor Day Weekend.

Yoga and chores and buying plants and new maternity things and doing homework and YouTube and pilates and prenatal exercises and chores and husband and baby.

c:

I know this is going to be hard.

It's hard as it is. It's hard right now. But I know it's going to get even more rough.

I don't even know if I'm prepared to handle what's to come.
Realistically, all that I hope to accomplish is possible.
All my dreams are within reach, baby or no baby. Husband or no husband.
All I need to do is work for it.

I'm already working less and taking less hours than I normally would.
But that's just how I need to tackle school. After two years, I know that taking five classes at once versus 6 or 7 at once along with two jobs and extra-curricular activities is just too much for me to handle. I want to take advantage of my classes now instead of cramming all this information into my head and not enjoying them the way I should. I've heard too many older people regret not taking their time in college and just rushing to get out in 4 years with the exact degree they need to obtain the career they'll have for the rest of their lives.
I don't plan on having the same career from now until forever. I crave flexibility and unorthodox schedules. I love always having something different to do every day.

I'm actually interested in what my professors are saying, in the homework and readings they assign, in the tasks I must complete. I'm invested in my jobs and the experience they will give me for my future. I'm inspired to work in all art forms and there are no more limits to my creation.

People new to creation will get creative blocks. People seasoned in the field will see that failure is eminent no matter what. There will always be something we don't like with what we create and a few months or a year later, we'll look back and admire the power of our expression.

There's something wrong with it. I just need to tweak it a little here... Add a little more cool color there... Define a shape a little more on this beat... Sing with a little more vibrato in this verse... Something will always need work in the heat of the moment because OH MY GOODNESS it is so hard to step back and look at what you're doing because in that moment? In that moment, it's your baby. You want to nourish it, make it better, encourage it's growth, encourage greatness but it's so hard to tell what this baby needs because all the dialogue that goes on between you and it is in your mind.

But a few days from now, a few weeks or a month... it'll look completely different.

And I'm learning that. I'm learning to not be afraid with watercolors...not be afraid of my audience because the only audience that matters is me.

Why put art in a box when it's sole purpose is to tear down the walls?

xxx

Beth

Just studying...

Schoolwork is a pain...but it must be done.

Only one week in!

xxx

Beth

Going to bed completely satisfied.

I love this feeling. I haven't felt this way in a long time. This feeling of utter accomplishment. This feeling of doing everything I needed to do today/tonight and more! I'm documenting so hopefully I feel the need to document again. Honestly, it really is just the first day and if I can just make this a habit, I know good things will come of it. I have everything to gain and nothing to lose. It's like having to just wake up in the morning regardless of how heavy my eyelids are. I have to commit and do regardless of how much work it feels like and how far away it all seems. Starting is the hardest part and if I can just get past that point... I'll be good.

My goals for this semester? (I decided to set some but really, truly stick to them! It's even my phone's lock screen!)

• Commit to study times!
• get dressed up
• eat/drink/snack healthy
• take breaks
• Go to every class!
• get dressed up
• bring a healthy drink
• engage yourself
• Establish sleep times!
• read 10-10:30 nightly
• take vitamin for breakfast
• set your own alarm

It's good that I'm putting these down somewhere again. I was starting to forget them... I made them a few weeks ago after all! But this is what I think will help me get to my three main goals. I tried to make those three main goals things that would help me accomplish an overarching goal: work hard on and turn in every assignment!

It sounds really hard... so I do hope to accomplish this small feat in my academic career!

Comment your study tips and tell me how you like to study! Coffee, tea, or energy drink? Classical, rock, or K-pop? Hour long sessions with 10 minute breaks? Cramming before the test?

And please, please, please someone share their magical secrets of always going to class and always going to the library!

Motivation is key!

xxx

Beth

Why Art Education?

I've thought about this countless times before but never too deeply. I always knew that I wanted to work with kids and I've wanted to work with art. It just so happens Art Education brings both those things together. But today, my Intro to Art Ed professor asked us why we wanted to Art Ed: a familiar but unexplored question. So, I thought about it. I was second to last of 12 people in the room so I had a lot of time. And in that time, I figured some of it out.

I thought about where it started...when I was a little kid. I watched my brother draw and he was my hero; I wanted to be just like him. So, that's what I did. I drew and made art and I loved it.

Then I got three little sisters and they saw Chris and I drawing and wanted to venture into the same field. All of us love to draw while our parents are hardly artistic.

I discovered music in middle school and dance in high school. I've learned to love singing, making music, movement, and visual art making. The creative arts is so fascinating and lovely to me and I couldn't see myself doing anything else.

In high school, I started working at Marbles and for Artspace's Summer Arts Camp for kids. I got involved with my NAHS and with different community art organizations around Raleigh including ArtReach 4 Kids and different library events. I loved being part of a like-minded creative people and even just people who were just starting to try their hands at creativity.

I loved working with art and my little sisters and I wanted to be more. I want to bring all the arts together to all walks of life from the young to the elderly and make sure no one is left without a choice to dance or sing or create. So many people say "I can't do that!" when it comes to these different arts...but in reality, it isn't a skill set, it is an experience. Whether someone is good at something or not...does NOT mean that a person shouldn't be able to express themselves creatively.

I'm excited to learn more about teaching and take one step closer to my goals.

xxx

Beth

Comfort in our own minds.

This is what art is. This is what creativity means. To feel every single bit of your brain working to innovate, create, and bring meaning to the lifeless. And this completely encompasses my entire experience from this week's workshop. I feel like I've improved so much in the past week and I've never been so proud and excited to create the way I did every moment of this week.

There were plenty of bumps in the road and many comments from my professor that urged me to think and work differently. But that's the point. The point is to continue to check yourself, re-work, make mistakes and try again! In art, there is no wrong. Even mistakes are beautiful. Those mistakes are the tiny bits that make our work human and real and utterly amazing.

I cannot wait to create more.

xxx

Beth

Tomorrow.

Is a BIG day.

• My week long (36 hour) life drawing class starts tomorrow. Four hours in the morning, a hour long lunch, four hours in the afternoon (but just the four morning hours for Friday).
• I have to leave during lunch so I can go to Winkler before moving in so I can get my key and move in around 3.
• I have to go pay first month's rent for the Lofts meaning I have to find my checkbook again...
• My class ends at 4 so hopefully I am still in time for the move-in. They did say in the e-mail to not be there right at the move-in time but a little after... Either way, I'll have people to help me move in.
• Why do all the things I have to do tomorrow have to overlap like this?
• Unpacking EVERY LITTLE THING.

I'm excited.

A week until gender ultrasound. 

(=

Sometimes, I like the quiet of being in college, trying to keep us supported, being away from family, being away from much responsibility aside from my own and his. I like the quiet but I miss the sweet smiles of my cute little sisters and the cute cries from my little nephew and the loving purrs of my little kitty cat... I miss taking care of things. Here at Molly's house I can't really do all of that. Tomorrow, I'll have a house to take care of but honestly, there's nothing in this world like caring for life. I love hugging Eric when he gets home from work. I love cuddling up to my mom in her bed when I wake up at home and know she's exhausted from the previous night. I love bouncing up and down to keep Nicolas soothed. I love talking to my sisters on the phone because it really is all I can do from such a distance. I miss so being near them and being able to take care of them so much. I love the responsibility. And, in the same if not stronger way, I'm so excited to take care of little Izzy. I am so, so, so happy to know that I'm creating life myself to take care of. I love being able to relate to my sister and my mom on a deeper level. I love my family and my husband so very much. They are beautiful, beautiful people who never cease to amaze me with their kindness and unwavering support.

I couldn't ask for a better mother, better sisters, or a better husband.

I thank God countless times a day for this incredible blessing.

xxx

Beth

Good morning, fog and mountains!

We just woke up, got ready, and left the house. We're going to work!

We're still in limb right now but we move in on Monday! Heee! I'm super excited. (=

EC and I are talking about the future. Man, I love this boy. Our arguments are worth it. Where would I be without you by my side?

I love my family. We took care of Nicolas on Thursday night since practice was cancelled. That little boy is the cutest thing! I can't wait to have a little nugget of my own. (= She is currently as big as a bell pepper! We're almost exactly one week away from our gender ultrasound. I am ecstatic! We're both so excited to find out. 

Well, I'll check in later.

Love,

Beth!

Earth Fare Strawberries.

They're so yummy.
And the already cut ones are so good; I'm not sure if it's because I'm lazy but that's probably the reason. I could eat them all day.

They also allow your body to absorb more iron.

I need to start drinking more water again. Both fiber, protein, and water intake must go up to feed the little one. (=

I have a week long life drawing class next week and the Monday after that we find out the gender! YAS. I should probably brush up on my skills a little. Haven't drawn from observation in a good minute.

EC is at work right now and we're watching Shrek. *___*

9 days till we move in to the new apartment! It's going to be small but easy to clean and we're really trying to move into a bigger space when the little one comes. c:

I've been very susceptible to sadness lately. Crying is my specialty. But no matter how bright life's true colors blind me, I'm trying to veer and overcome. It can be so hard to climb over a mountain because no matter how hard you try...you can't just smash it into the ground. All I can do in moment's like these is get a good's night sleep, eat healthy, and slowly but surely get to the other side.

I was reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson today and the boy's two rules are "Shut up" and "Don't care". It's something I still do to this day. But in situations like these all there is to do is not think too much about it and do whatever I can to right the wrong.

xxx

Beth

I am addicted.

James Vincent McMorrow is so good. 

His music is everything. 

We finally moved out of the apartment and are currently in limbo at Molly's place. We aren't moving into the new apartment until the 11th. 

My belly is getting bigger.

I'm feeling grouchy but it's probably just because I'm sleepy. Can't believe I forgot to take my pill earlier... Sigh. 

I'm going to be knocking out here in a second. We have our mattress set up in the living room. 

Hoping to head to the studio tomorrow morning. Meant to go tonight but I'm just too tired running on a few hours. 

Praying I get a good night's sleep. (=

xxx

-Beth