As the end of the semester comes to a close...

I'm reflecting on these past four(ish) months.

I am so happy to have my darling girl and my handsome husband. I only vaguely remember trying to get Belly to smile for the first time and now that's child's play compared to trying to make her laugh. She's growing up so fast.

My wrist is getting better! Taking care of her isn't that difficult anymore. Sure, it aches a lot here and there but I can usually just work through it and get blood flowing so it won't hurt as much. EC and I are learning to literally share the weight.

School has been the easiest thing to do compared to what else has been going on. Going to class and doing assignments, working on projects and studying for exams--not a problem. Waking up every 2 hours every night for two months, pushing a baby out of me, struggling to pay rent--my reality. And I love it. I don't love struggling in the moment. I love knowing we got through something so hard. After every fight, EC and I bask in the small glory of being able to forgive each other no matter what. Nothing worth having ever came easy.

I'm looking forward to taking summer classes and working more--and hanging out with my family more. (;

Don't lose sight of your victory! This last week and these last exams/papers/finals are just a stepping stone to get where you want to be!

xxx

Beth

Financial troubles of two married, independent college students with a baby.

EC's hours at work just got cut back and our bills are feeling it.

I don't mean to complain but we just... I don't know. We can't ask our parents for money. We can't pay our bills with credit cards. A lot of our bills are credit cards.

The credit card bills are from before I met EC.

I mean, we made it before when he was fired and didn't have a job for about 4 months...but we weren't trying to tackle his debt and we didn't have a baby.

I've just been so organized with our finances lately, it's really making us both anxious. Everything is thrown off balance. But, we'll get the money. The Lord always provides. That's what EC and I have been reciting since we moved in together.

The Lord will help us. He has always come through for us. He won't let us starve. He won't let us be homeless. He protects.

xxx

Beth

Tidying up!

So, I started reading "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing" by Marie Kondo.

When I was little, I was a habitual pack rat: the kind of person who would constantly say "I might need this later" or  "Someone else might be able to use this" or "I could sell this!". I always found a way to make a completely useless object useful. When I cleaned back then, I did it about once a month and it would take a full day to do. I went through all my possessions and through away at least two huge bags of stuff each time. However, I would always keep most things I owned; I just found new ways to organize and store them.

This is how I've never learned to love the things I have and to always feel like I've needed more. Being married, having a child, knowing I can't go beyond my means much, I feel as if a life change is in order. I'm not saying that having things is bad. I'm saying that having things that you don't LOVE is almost pointless. Having things around me that I'm not in love with but only somewhat care about clutters my space and therefore clutters my mind.

I'm not trying to live too simple. Just more simple than I am now.

Hopefully, I can keep up with tidying and using my space (and my belongings) with purpose and love.

She talks about being grateful to each of your possessions: showing love and respect for each thing you use by thanking it. 

Let's all try to be grateful for what we have!

xxx

Beth

One Year of MARRIAGE!

EC and I have been married a whole year. 

This is CRAZY. Before I met him, I would have never thought marriage was for me. I never thought raising a family was for me. I had always imagined it in my future but not this soon. 

But I'm so thankful to have him and Belly. I'm so thankful to have the life I do. 

Today, we went to Hob Knob, Dancing Moon, and Lucky Penny. 

I drank like 3 cups of coffee and we had an amazing conversation. 

We talked about where we were and where we were going, how hard it can be to focus on your own path, and how wonderful it is to revel in your own progress. 

The only person worth comparing yourself to is yourself. 

If you compare yourself to anyone else, you're setting yourself up for failure. 

That being said, it's better to take people as examples rather than competition. 

Anyway!

We blogged for the first time today and EC made an amazing tonkatsu. (: SO GOOD! He's such a great chef.

We also planned a few videos, talked about our plan for getting our degrees, and just enjoyed each other's company. 

It's wonderful having such a great friend also be your husband. 😍 Marriage is such a new experience and definitely not for everybody. You don't have to be married to love who you do forever. We got married because we were taking each thee seriously, we took our love seriously. But it's not the only way to take each other seriously. We aren't married because of a piece of paper. We are married because of how we treat each other, how we push each other, how we love each other. (I YUB YOU HUB IF UR READIN THIS😱😱😱 [I know you will at some point. You're lovely for supporting everything I delve into]). He isn't perfect. But he is perfect for me. He is all I need. 

2 years ago I met him. One year later, we got married. And today, we've been married for a year. Oh, how time flies!

Cheers to all our own personal achievements and personal progress!

xxx

Beth

Today. (4/13/15)

Across from me, sits and acquaintance doing a project-not for this class. Her backpack is red. Her jacket is a black hoodie. The table is moving constantly. Wiggling. Papers are spread out on the table in no real order. They are just sitting there, unused. My box of yarn is-now accompanied by it's box brothers and sisters. And a lot of yarn.

I couldn't resist the urge to play with the boxes and the yarn.
I just had been reading this art book and feel bursting to the brim with inspiration.

I don't have a lot of art books.
I don't know what else I have to do for this class.

I felt a moment of meditation trying to keep my tower of boxes from falling: BALANCED.
I might have been moving the table more than she was.

I don't want to miss a single creation
IN
THIS
BOOK.


I'm done with it. The book, I mean.


things I like eating right now:

• avocado and smoked salmon
• maple bits pancakes with honey
• coffee
• asparagus
• tuna cakes + brown rice
• green tea vanilla greek yogurt with granola
• water
• turkey+avocado+lettuce sandwiches
• juices + smoothies

things I like right now:

• making art
• coming up with art ideas
• playing with belly
• watching shows with EC
• my new sandals - they are so comfy!! and only $25 from tjmaxx *u*
• writing papers
• reading magazines and self-help books
• singing to belly
• eating EC's cooking *u*

xxx

Beth!

The motivational speaker.

Yesterday, Eric and I went on a date and part of that was going to a lecture given by Mikey Burton (here's his website). He's a designy illustrator who does NOT work for free and creates a lot of fresh, adorable work.

Eric and I do NOT aspire to be graphic designers but as artists we related to the message he was trying to get into our heads. He said multiple things but ended with "make work that you wanna make, and be patient & focus on your craft". Many of his ideas he fleshed out solely because he was deeply invested in them, not because he knew he would make money or be successful through it while still attributing value to his work and not taking a "resume-builder" for payment.

He made me realize that what is important is the reason you started doing something. A friend of ours, at the last NC Diggs Deeper event, asked why we all had started dancing in the first place. He said, "People say, 'Because I love to dance' but the real answer is that it's fun". The reason people are truly passionate about anything is because they enjoy how fun it is. I love to create visually because it's fun. It's fun to put pen to paper, move to sounds, sing words and melodies. I don't do these things to make money. I'm trying to do that with them but that's not WHY I do them.

As artists, we have to stay grounded. Not only in our minds, but in reality. We have to remember why we do this in the first place and that what we do DOES have value. What we do is not for free, to be taken advantage of, to be stepped on and stolen from what we have worked so hard to create. What we do is to be treasured. Not just by others but by ourselves.

xxx

Beth

Three Month Baby/Postpartum

WOW.

This word sums up pretty much everything that has happened in the past three months.
I am in disbelief and constantly find myself in a state of shock.
I'm finally starting to realize I'm a mom (thanks to so many conversations where friends will tell me "You're a mom now!" or ask "What's it like being a new mom?"). And to their questions I can only reply "Weird. Very, very weird".

Because, well, it is. Even being prepared for 9 months was not nearly enough preparation. Even after 3 months of her being on this planet with us I still don't feel prepared.

Being a mom in the beginning was just making sure she was growing (eating, sleeping, getting tummy time, bowel movements). Now, I get to play with her almost all day. I get to see her smile and watch her roll over. I get to talk to her, do laundry with her, sing with her, read to her. It's so much more than before and I know we're only going to get to do even bigger, more complex things farther down the road.

She's currently on a bedtime routine that starts around 7 and in no particular order she: eats, takes a bath, is read to or sung to, and a lot of play. She's sleeping through the night and sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night to eat but she always goes right back to sleep afterwards. She's happy and healthy. That's all I can really ask for her. (:

And for me? I think I'm doing just as well.

Things I'm glad I can do again:

• Dance. (although limited)
• Eat raw fish and unpasteurized cheese.
• Cook!!!
• Put on my own shoes.
• Run.

Things I'm glad I can do now that I have a baby:

• Show her off. c:
• Always have company.
• Reassure pregnant friends that labor will NOT kill you (although it will feel like it).
• Pass on her weight to my husband.
• Dress her up.
• Send pictures/videos to my mom, mom-in-law, and sister.
• Hang out with my sister and her son. (:
• I could probably think of a lot more things.

My body:

• Does not hurt nearly as much. I can move a lot more but still not like I could before pregnancy.
• Tenosynovitis (I carry her a lot... Probably more than is recommended)
• My belly is still squishy but still going down! It's hard to remember that your abs separate during pregnancy and after having a baby, you have to basically build your abs from nothing.

My mind:

• Absolutely revolts at her cries. I always feel a need to soothe her (but my mom has told me she was the same way with me so I don't feel nearly as bad doing it).
• Is slowly working it's way to believing I am a mother (I was just getting used to being a wife...).

This was a lot of lists but I'm not really sure how else to put it. 

If you're currently pregnant I really recommend the What to Expect the First Year book to prepare you for what baby has in store for you. I didn't really read pregnancy books but I did read this one as far as the first month. It was very helpful and made me feel a lot more ready to take care of my little one. (:

Here's a link but try to look for the newest edition!

If you guys have any Qs for me don't hesitate to ask! (: You can comment below or email me at plizdeleon@gmail.com (:

xxxx

Beth