Declutter.

My mind is racing from all the things happening in the world, in my life, personally and professionally. I feel a little overwhelmed. It's getting hard to breathe and take my time.

• I am feeling a little hungry.
• I really want to make tea and drink it.
• I need to charge my fitbit.
• I need to do my homework which is reading this text and then writing an essay about it.
• I recognize that this is my only homework tonight and once I finish it I can feel less stressed.
• This week is going to be a very good week. It's going to be good to stay home this weekend.
• This is the only night this week I get to sit down and plan.
• I want to be financially stable.
• I don't want us to worry about money.
• I want to make sure we have enough to eat.
• I want us to be well-rested.
• I want us to love each other.
• I love my family.
• I hope Izzy is happy.
• I hope she's growing well.
• I hope she is loving life.
• I hope she loves us.
• I hope we both graduate on time.
• I hope that we can be successful. 
• I hope we learn to forgive each other and grow from our mistakes.
• I hope we can be better people by the end of the school year.
• I hope we can learn to relax a little.
• I'm going to go make tea and finish this assignment.

xxx

Beth

On Wednesdays, we take photos.

Wants.

I want for experiences.
I want moments.
I want times.
Not things.
Life is too short, far far far too short to live on things.
Life is made up of moments, times, experiences.
Not things.

I want experiences.

Update!

Hello, all!

I am finding myself needing to become stronger. That's it. I just want to be stronger in my body. All (if not most) of the unnecessary fat is gone from my body and I'm super excited just to tone and get stronger.

Just in all the things I am doing this semester, I'm finding myself sore and working hard with my muscles, not just sweating to sweat but sweating because I'm working my whole body.

• yoga
• pilates (mat AND on the machines)
• waacking
• popping
• entropy
• ballet
• modern
• strength workouts from FitStar
• african dance

All of it is a lot of work on my body in a way that has been different from what I've been doing for the past 7 months to simply lose weight. I still want to lose the little bits of fat of my body but I want to replace them with muscle!!! 

Wow so hype. I'm just going to keep working hard at what I'm doing and not worry about going to the gym for extended periods of time. I am finding peace with my body and feeling that I am simply strengthening it without disliking it.

I'm also happy to be using dance not just as a form of expression but as a form of fitness and keeping my body strong and healthy!

xxx

Beth

Fitness Update!

Just checking in again with all of you!

I'm now a few pounds under 140! I'm making progress, y'all. It's slow but it is STILL progress! I love seeing my own body change to be stronger and healthier..it's not just the numbers. The numbers are a sign of progress but it is also in my increased number of push-ups, running time, flexibility in yoga, strength in pilates, and my overall connection with my body.

I love getting enough sleep. I love breaking a sweat. I am so happy in my body. I can literally feel myself having more energy and getting stronger. (:

Here are my daily goals that I have been checking off:

1. Exercise every day. (Whether that be a walk or a run or dancing)
2. Stretch every day.
3. Yoga 3-5 times a week.
4. Pilates 5 times a week.
5. Dance every day.
6. Green smoothie every day.
7. Bed @ 10:30pm every day.
8. Pushups/Tricep Dips daily.
9. 13,000 steps every day.
10. Brush teeth 2x a day.

These are just the things that I want to make habits! (:

Long Term:

1. Get a full split. (I'm almost there!!)
2. Weigh 120 lbs. (I'm getting there!!!!!)
3. Do a handstand. (Getting close!!! :D )

Rewards:

I reached 140 and decided to buy a new pair of shoes...Lunar Epic Flyknits! They are literally the only shoe I will ever wear from now on. Not an exaggeration. 

130 lbs: A brand new yoga mat and a 11 class card to Neighborhood Yoga.

120 lbs: A brand new outfit from PopFlex (sports bra, top, bottoms) and new shoes!!!!

I feel so blessed to be able to work towards these goals and find myself motivated on a daily basis.

Till next time,

xxx

Beth

NEW Fitness Goals (Short/Long Term) and Rewards!

Hi guys!

I'm now almost 140 lbs. I've plateaued a little bit just because of eating and working out...so I'm resetting myself and putting myself in a place to succeed!

Short Term:

1. Pilates 3-5 times a week.
2. Yoga 3-5 times a week.
3. Pushups/Tricep Dips daily.
4. Stretch daily.
5. One Milano cookie a day to prevent cheating.
6. One green smoothie a day.
7. Walk every single day.

Long Term:

1. Get a full split.
2. Weigh 120 lbs.
3. Do a handstand.

Rewards:

140 lbs: A brand new yoga mat and a 11 class card to Neighborhood Yoga.

130 lbs: A new work out outfit from Athleta (sports bra, top, bottoms).

120 lbs: A brand new outfit from PopFlex (sports bra, top, bottoms) and new shoes!!!!

Written two years ago.

I just started reading miscarriage stories and found pictures of babies miscarried mostly around 10 weeks.
The babies are so beautiful and have names like Blessing and Journey.
They look so cute and while I thought Solomon had been big, I think he was smaller than I remember.
Most of the babies pictures were only a little bigger than a nail bed.

I imagine now how Solomon might have looked in my hands and I think he may have looked a little like Izzy. (: I wish I had been brave enough to hold him but I could hardly look at him. I could hardly think about what he looked like dangling from me.

But the pictures show such adorable babies.

And I don't believe how any mother could rid themselves of these miracles.

Life is so precious.


...miscarriage is difficult. But if you tried your best as a mom, what more is there to do besides love your baby that didn't make it to the world of the living and simply skipped ahead to be with God.

I love my baby girl.

And I love and miss my little boy every day that I am able to hold and care for his sister.

This topic is so hard to talk about.

It leaves you in shock and at fault. You are given no reason. You only find one in yourself.

What could I have done differently? What did I do wrong?

It only gives you more reason to do right.
To love a life other than your own.
To give your life for a beam of hope, a spirit, a soul, a tiny little person.
To be responsible for another person.
We all have a reason.

I give for I have lost.

xxx

Beth